The importance of an open mind.

I recall overhearing my older relatives once talking about how it was possible to be too open in one’s thinking. I think the exact words were something to the effect of not being so open-minded that your brains fall out. Being all of about 12 at the time, the conversation really didn’t make that much sense. Wasn’t being open to possibilities what life was all about?

As I’ve grown up a bit, I understand what my relatives were talking about, but I still have to disagree with them. Even at, er, let’s say…um, thirty-nine and holding, I am still very open to possibilities. This trait of mine is probably the number one reason why I did not sink into abject despair during my bout of unemployment. It may even be why I am not completely freaking out over worry that my contract for hire situation might not become a permanent gig.

Being open to possibilities gives you the freedom to exist in the “now” and perform something of a SWOT analysis on your life. For those without a business degree or familiarity with the jargon, the acronym stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. It is a process for evaluating what is going on from more than one perspective to arrive at a total snapshot of the situation.

I believe being open to possibilities also works in terms of the creative process.

I have really struggled with one of the stories I am working on because I had this great outline for how the book was going to play out. It was a fairly detailed outline of each chapter and, I thought, it was going to lead to a really good book. At some point during my writing, the main characters took off in a different direction from what I had envisioned. Stymied, I set the story down and focused on other projects. When my “muse” reappeared, I pulled the story out to work on it again and found my characters still uncooperative. This time, I am ignoring the outline I so carefully prepared and am just rolling with what comes out of my head. Reading back over the 150 pages I have written of this new path, I know I have some major editing ahead of me. Some of it is pretty rough and likely to be cut from the final manuscript. I also have some cross referencing to do against my first novel in this series to be sure I haven’t messed up the time-lines between the two books. But, some of what I have written is so much better than the original concept.

A lot of people mistake me for a pessimist because I am pretty quick with the sardonic wit or the sarcastic quip. The truth is, I honestly believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to – one just has to keep from taking a narrow perspective. The problem is that it rarely happens on my preferred time-table. So, be it a new contract position, being picked up as a permanent employee under the current contract, landing a permanent job with some other company, or finishing this book – I am open to the possibilities before me.

And now for some Halloween fun...

My publisher is doing a "Trick or Treat" clue game in honor of Halloween. The clues will be embedded in excerpts from novels by Second Wind Publishing authors. So go to the Second Wind Publishing Blog (http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com)and join the fun on October 26th!

Excerpt from my novel, A Love Out of Time. (paranormal romance)

Taly was about to flash out to check on Jack when he felt himself start to dematerialize. This had not happened to him since sometime in the 11th century; the experience was one he had hoped never to undergo again. Flashing through time did not cause him any pain; it was no more of an effort to walk across the room. Being summoned, on the other hand, was like being sucked through a keyhole. He barely had time to grab his latte before he vanished.
He rematerialized with a roar of pain and in his natural form. Moira looked up from her position on the floor by the candles and brazier. Her mouth forming a silent O before delight crossed her face and she leapt up yelling for her brother. Karl came at a run, but stopped short by the sight of his sister leaping about like a child at Christmas in front of a seven-foot demon holding a grande cup of Starbucks.

Am I turning into a “Slacker Mom” or just overwhelmed and tired?

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had such high expectations for how my husband and I would raise our little bundle of joy. That list of “when I’m a parent, I’ll never…” was rather long and fairly detailed. To my credit, my firstborn was actually around 2 before fast food passed his lips. I felt so guilty since he’d had a fairly organic diet up to that point, but I got over it. The second child was chomping on French fries and chicken nuggets as soon as he could chew them without choking.

It is sort of depressing to pull out that list now and see what is still on it. I’ve never really seen myself as someone who is “wishy-washy” in their beliefs. Most people who know me, even slightly, would say that I can be downright stubborn about the things I believe to be important. The fact that there are so many things that I’ve crossed off my list gives me some pause though, especially since it has to do with my children. It raises a fear that perhaps I have become a Slacker Mom, and that my kids will spend a portion of their adult life paying professionals to help them deal with the aftermath of my parenting skills, or lack thereof.

Or is it that I’ve realized that most of what was on my list was at best, silly, and at the worst, unrealistic? So it would stand to reason that the remaining items really are the important tenets of parenting, wouldn’t it?

In talking to other mothers, all of whom refused to be identified in this article, I know I am not alone in wondering. One friend, a busy executive and mother of two, summed it up like this, “we do our best parenting before we have the little monsters. It’s just a theoretical exercise at that point. Once they show up, theory flies out the window and it’s all about raw survival, keeping what’s left of your sanity, and minimizing the collateral damage to your kids.”

As I look at my kids, and our life, I have to admit that there is a lot of truth in that statement. On paper, before I had my kids, I thought I had all the answers. I thought I knew how I would handle things. I was going to do things the “right” way.

In reality, there are times when I honestly don’t know the answer, or how I’ll handle something until the moment is on me. At night, when I am meditating on the day that has passed, I know that I have not always done things the “right” way where my kids are concerned. I yelled rather than spoke. I reacted rather than accurately assessing the situation. I punished one for something the other started, because I didn’t see the first part of the scenario – just the part when one brother hauled off and decked the other one.

It all comes down to this, you do the best you can with the situation you find yourself in.

While I know that on the occasions when I am not home for dinner, my sons are more likely than not to be eating fast food in front of the television set, it is still different when they want me to endorse similar eating habits on the nights their father can’t be home for dinner. To me, an acceptable dinner for my kids has at least one vegetable, preferable a green one, a starch, a protein, and milk. While I was between jobs, it was easy to take this high road. Now that I am back in the work-force and my husband's transfer to a new position means he's usually working nights, it is a whole new scenario.

When I’ve had a rough day at work, sometimes I find myself justifying a pizza: tomato sauce – vegetable, sort of, check; green onions – green vegetable, check; mushrooms and black olives – veggies, sort of, check; cheese – protein, check. Top it off with a big glass of milk…yeah, it fits the parameters for an acceptable dinner, where the heck did I put the number for the pizza place?

The lure of the dark-side – anti-heroes and anti-heroines

I have to admit that I really enjoy a story with a well developed anti-hero. I’m not talking about the basically good guy who has had a string of bad luck or a tough life. I am talking about the true post-modernistic archetype: someone who can not easily be defined as a villain or hero. These are characters whose attraction hooks you and reels you in as strongly as they repulse you on some basic level. There is just something about these characters that fascinates me. Their complexity can lead a carefully crafted storyline down some totally unexpected twists and turns of the mind, but you have to admit – it can be an adventure. It is a character type that is well suited to both paranormal romance and stories dealing with espionage as well as sci-fi/fantasy literature: all genres that appeal to me as both a reader and a writer. In my own writing, I am finding myself including anti-heroes or rather heroines on a fairly regular basis, but something I discovered, which surprised me, was how difficult it is to create an anti-heroine.

These women characters exist. Consider Scarlett O’Hara, any number of roles that Angelina Jolie has played, and – my personal favorites – Nikita from the story La Femme Nikita and Murbella from Frank Herbert’s Dune series. The creation of an anti-heroine seems fraught with many of the same issues that confront women in real life, from business to social settings. A delicate balance must be struck between the characters “good” qualities and those that are less appealing.

So, how does one craft such a creature?

From my research into the female anti-hero, it appears that beauty or physical attractiveness alone is not enough to off-set the brutality, amoral behavior, or ruthlessness needed for a true anti-hero. It seems to take a combination of physical beauty, innate intelligence, and some sort of triggering event – but not the jaded, “world-weary” technique often seen in the male anti-hero – to set the stage for a believable, or rather acceptable, anti-heroine. If the balance isn’t achieved, one is left with a psychotic or clichéd character.

Whether or not I can create a true female anti-hero in my own writing remains to be seen, but I am going to have a lot of fun with the process.

Can you judge a book by its cover?

I was in the market for a bit of “mind candy” reading the other day and went to my local bookstore to see what might satisfy my literary sweet tooth. As I wandered through the different genre sections, I began to notice something about the books that actually made it into my small pile of “potential” purchases. Each and every one of them had fantastic cover art or photos. Convinced that I was being led astray by “glitz & glam” rather than a good story, I took a few moments to look beyond the book jacket or back cover teaser and read some pages from the first chapter as well as randomly selected pages from later portions of the books. Out of five possible purchases, only one book was returned to the shelf as a dud. For kicks and grins, since I had nowhere pressing to be, I picked up some books with really awful (as in boring) covers and checked out their teasers as well as random pages within. What I discovered was that book covers can provide some indication of what you can expect between the pages; with the exception of well-known, award-winning authors who can do anything they please in terms of covers and still expect a sale.

My grandmother was fond of the “you can’t judge a book by its cover” philosophy towards life but I think, noble sentiment that it is, it falls flat as a practice for a new author competing with the known for book sales. This is not to say that an intriguing book cover is about spending a huge amount of money on models, photo shoots, or buying art. It is about finding something that connects the reader instantly with the theme, and combined with the teaser draws them into a well written story. The three elements must balance because a slick cover and a “sexy” teaser may get the book to the cashier, but without a story to back it up, you won’t have anyone waiting for your next book.

The Wisdom of The Rolling Stones

I often find comfort in music and lyrics. Sometimes, it seems like certain songs have become the background music to, or themes for, phases and events in my life. They can be talismans to help me overcome a tough situation, or, so strongly associated with an event that it brings everything back as though I were reliving the experience.

When depression stalks me, it is Big Country’s “In a Big Country” that helps me find the strength to push through the darkness in my mind to find the joy in living. Anything by the band Poison reminds me of some wild times when I lived in central Florida during the late 80s. U2 makes me think of college. Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” will always remind me of the first date with my husband. The music of the Indigo Girls reminds me of the worst heartbreak I ever sustained, while the music of The Cure brings to mind a particularly intense two year relationship with someone who was the most fun, and the most trouble, I ever got involved with. The Dixie Chicks version of “Landslide” brings to mind the day I delivered my oldest son, while Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” was the song on the radio when I got the confirmation that I was pregnant with my youngest son.

As I go through the interview and salary negotiation stage of my job search, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” has become my latest anthem, specifically the chorus.

In the current job market, salary ranges are not what they were and employers are looking for those “exact DNA matches” for prospective hires. So what do you do when you are, or could be, that missing piece of DNA from an organization, but their salary range isn’t an exact match to what you want?

Should you hold out for what you want or take a job that covers what you need?

I’ve heard horror stories from other people out of work who have had to take salaries that were anywhere from 15 to 60% lower than what they were making because it was take the job or face financial disaster. I’ve been looking for a job that pays what I want for ten months without much success. I can't tell you how many times I have been told that my qualifications are exactly what the company is looking for, but they can't afford me. Or, while my salary expectations are in line with what they are looking to pay, I will need to relocate for the position rather than commute.

Trying to find the line between selling yourself too cheaply and figuring out what you are worth is a tough one. There is also the very real fear of a prospective employer that if they hire you at a lower rate, you are going to bolt for richer pastures as soon as the economy rebounds. As I speak with prospective employers about salary requirements, I often think about what I tell my children, "What you want and what you're going to get aren't always the same thing."

I think that ol’ Mick and Keith had it right, so I am going to focus more on getting what I need. A job that will allow me to have some time with my family, keep a roof over our heads, and meet the basic living expenses. Finding what I want can wait for better economic times or maybe I will get lucky and find that what I want and what I need are the same thing.

Update: Strangely enough, within days of writing this piece, I landed a contract to hire position – which is going to pay me an hourly rate that is within my salary range – has all the elements of my dream job - and is with the company at the top of my “dream” employers. Now, all I have to do is prove my worth to convert it from a contract position into a permanent hire.

To all the other displaced/laid-off/ or otherwise unemployed – do not give up. Keep networking, keep applying, keep your mind open to the possibilities – your job is out there. It may show up at the last minute or from an unexpected quarter, but it is going to show up. Sometimes, to get what you want, maybe you do have to focus on getting what you need.

Is being realistic in actuality a form of pessimism or vice versa?

My father once told me that a pessimist is nothing more than an optimist who has had his, or her, teeth kicked in one too many times.

As I approach the end of my severance period, and face the distinct possibility that I will have to find a way of living on unemployment compensation while I continue to look for a job, I have been thinking about the difference between being realistic and being pessimistic. I have also been thinking that maybe my father had a point.

When my husband was laid-off a few years ago, we had that nice cushion in savings that all the financial gurus recommend. We were able to cover the difference between unemployment compensation and what he made before he was laid-off. The cushion was something we believed we could build back up once the dust settled. Unfortunately, it didn’t. His industry was one of the first to start to feel the downturn in the economy. Our cushion dwindled down to nothing by the spring of 2008. In the spring of 2008, the company I worked for gave notice that headcount reductions were coming, and I realized that we both might be out of work for a period of time.

Despite my concern, I knew that I was going to be fine, regardless of whether or not my head was actually on the chopping block. My “day job” as a project manager is one of those professions that lends itself to both contractor/consulting or permanent employee status, so I was sure that, even in a down economy, I would find something since companies still need to get projects done. My husband landed a new job with good benefits, so if the worst happened, I saw my situation as a potential to recoup some of our financial losses through the generous severance package the company was offering. As it turned out, I was cut in the fall, but I still remained positive that I would have a job by January.

My optimism was rewarded and I did in fact get an offer for a six month contract to hire position to start in January. Unfortunately, for me, the company lost funding for the position and I found myself back in job search. I had a rough couple of days (okay, it was weeks) before I shook it off and got back in the game, even more convinced that I would have a job offer before my severance period ended. Again, my optimism was rewarded with another twelve month consulting opportunity that was to start in May. This time, I thought I had nailed down all those pesky little issues that might make the offer less definite – like did the consulting company actually have a real contract with the client company as opposed to a gentleman’s handshake. Unfortunately, again, due to circumstances beyond my control, the client company has pushed off the project start date, twice; changed direction for its project; and added more requirements that it wants in the project manager, some of which I am lacking. It is looking like I may not have a job after all. Unlike the last time, I never got out of the job search game, so I still have a number of possible opportunities that I am pursing.

On some level, to even contemplate filing for unemployment and looking into whether or not my family qualifies for food stamps feels a lot like being pessimistic. To consider these things feels like I am giving up. On the other hand, the reality is that I have one more paycheck coming to me and there is still going to be a mortgage payment, utilities, car payment, credit card bills, insurance, and all the other “stuff” that will come due next month. Even if one of the other job possibilities comes through for me, there is a slim chance that it will happen before my severance period ends. While I have tried to put aside a bit of a buffer, it isn’t going to be enough to buy me much wiggle room.

The mantra that all of the job and career coaches are spouting is that you must remain positive and optimistic in your job search; that you need to focus on what the opportunities are and remain open to them; that you should use this time to think about what you really want in a job or career; and that if you want it bad enough you can make it happen for you.

Um, at the risk of sounding negative – sometimes it is a bit hard to paste on the happy shiny face and think of the possibilities when the reality is that you need a job to keep from losing your home, your car, your good credit rating, and thus the potential for the type of job(s) that you are accustomed to working.

Let me take a moment to say that as rough as things might get, I do acknowledge that I am lucky, incredibly lucky and thankful, to have had a severance package that lasted as long as this one has. Most of the other displaced/down-sized/laid-off people I have met have not had severance packages, or if they did, the packages were small.

Do I still believe I am going to find a job? Yes. I am also still convinced that it will be a better position that my last one, but I am worried that I may cross the line between realism and pessimism if it doesn’t happen soon.